Birth Story

This is directly copied and pasted from an email written by request of a mom friend. No edits have been made whatsoever. Please excuse the typoz, misspellinz, and general absence of proper grammar and MLA formatting.

Initial Email


sorry i got busy. ok so. 


they wanted to induce me on my due date, bc of :

a) a few minor things throughout: intermittent high blood pressure, initial uncertainty with due date, a temporary echogenic bowel, one ultrasound with excess fluid, etc. and 

b) bc i really wanted my own doctor to deliver her, not a midwife or nurse or anything.


however, the night before my due date i freaked out about this and tried everything possible to non-medically induce myself (ask me about my methods sometime) and… it worked. 


i had a few contractions that day, then started having contractions again at 10 pm, which grew steadier and stronger
and would not go away with using the bathroom, walking, sleeping, or anything. by 3 am i thought even if this is just indigestion or something else i HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW BC I’M GOING TO DIE. and i got there and was beside myself like a psychopath saying I NEED MEDICINE. I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I NEED MEDICINE, I’M SUCH A F*CKING P*SSY HELP ME HELP ME HELP I CAN’T DO THIS HELP (it was BAD; it made freddy start crying lol) and they first gave me a narcotic bc they didn’t get a hold of my doctor yet. this caused me to fall asleep for 4 min at a time and then jolt awake in excruciating pain with each subsequent contraction. even though i was still NOT DILATED AT ALL, i was freaking out, so i got the epidural and sunk into a stunned stupor of terrified relief. my contractions were off the charts. yet by 8 am i had only dilated to 4 cm. so they gave me pitocin to try and speed things along, but that put her in distress, and then at some point they realized she had turned to sunny side up (not sure if at home or when) so my doctor did ECV to try and turn her — elbow deep i’m telling you — as i performed yoga moves previously beyond my physical capabilities on top of the hospital bed. but she didn’t turn back… i don’t think? they also broke my water at some point. then they discovered my cervix had swollen back up to zero dilation. they also said because of my broken tail bone, she probably couldn’t “get down.”  so at 6 pm they said “we’re going to have to take her.” i started crying and didn’t stop through the entire surgery, and shook the whole time. the surgery itself took only 13 minutes. i felt devastated that i couldn’t do it naturally, for a long time. still do sometimes. but the cord was around her neck when they took her out, so it seems it’s a good thing i had a Cesarean. when they cleaned her off and put her on my chest for skin time, she immediately latched on and started nursing, and only then did my entire body completely stop shaking. the end!


i think i included almost everything… i’m sure i could remember more, later. 

Unsolicited follow up email:

oh oh also — all i saw of her being delivered was freddy’s face, behind the screen. and his face was priceless. he was like “oh my god… oh my god… OH MY GOD!!” and my doctor said “are you ready to be a mom?” and then we heard the crying. i’ve never seen an expression like that on his face, ever! it made me emotional. ❤ then they asked her name, and i already knew what it was but freddy said “we don’t know yet” and then i told them in the recovery room, then they asked her middle name and he tried to argue with me but i won. JERK!


BTWs, i did NOT know contractions hurt like that. i expected pushing would (which i never got to experience), but DAMN.


Reply to email:


“TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU DID TO INDUCE YOURSELF.”

Response to reply: 

here are my methods for self-inducement of labor:

  • walking (great distances)
  • acupressure (i googled it and made freddy do it to my feet)
  • eating the following things: pineapple, dates, spicy food, eggplant
  • taking evening primrose oil, orally and “via insertion” yes i’m serious
  • using my breast pump
  • other actions
  • last but not least: castor oil.


i took one teaspoon of castor oil and started having contractions almost immediately. but i don’t recommend this unless you’re VERY desperate. the contractions were HARD and fast, and i was in a LOT OF PAIN from it. i also might blame the castor oil for the fact that she flipped to sunny side up, and that there was meconium in the amniotic fluid :-/ it may or may not have been to blame for my c-section (i’m sure doctors would say it was not to blame) but my friend took it too and went into labor the next morning and labored forever then had to have a c-section as well.


oh and having a glass of wine at dinner.

The End.

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