Do you like being judged? If so, go ahead and openly admit that you are co-sleeping with your baby. However, if you are like me then you may possess a character flaw which causes you to obsess over what others think of you. Or perhaps you, like I, are convinced that your baby will stop breathing if you do not stay up all night and watch her sleep. Regardless, sometimes one simply cannot physically keep one’s eyes open any longer because BREASTFEEDING.
The baby gives zero effs; she will fall asleep on the spot aerola . Despite the existence of safe methods, a stigma against bed sharing remains, and I will admit that it is not without merit. But again, BREASTFEEDING. All of this is why I always, unfailingly, pretend that I am not *co-sleeping.
Of course, living a double life is not easy. Therefore, I will describe some scenarios detailing my reactions when faced with awkward conversation about this topic. Below are some exchanges that may occur when pretending that you are not co-sleeping:
Person A: It’s so much easier feeding formula. My 2 month old is sleeping 12 hours every night because we sleep trained him. How’s The Queen sleeping?
Me: Really well! On average 4 hours at a time.
Person A: Hmmm.
Me: No, it’s great because when she falls asleep we just kinda drift off together!
Person A: ::raises eyebrows and looks concerned::
Me: Oh but as soon as she’s asleep, I put her back in her bassinet ::avoids eye contact::
Person A: I see.
—
Person B: That moment when they fall asleep while nursing ::swoon::
Me: Right? Thank god I once read this blog post that saved my life and allowed me to keep a speck of my sanity.
Person B: Oh hmmm, see I always put Oprah back in her Rock & Play immediately when she’s done.
Me: Same.
—
Person C: Thor’s crib cost $3,000, and guess how many times he’s slept in it?
Me: …
Person C: ZERO. My brother-in-law lets him sleep with them EVERY NIGHT can you imagine?
Me: That is really extreme. ::scoffs:: I would never spend $3k on a crib.
Person C: But also, the bed sharing.
Me: …
Me: So how ‘bout them Cubbies?
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Ladies & gents, if any of the above exchanges sound familiar, I urge you: stay strong. Ain’t no shame in anyone’s parenting style, and you must save your energy for things other than defending your LO MO. ****When questioned, avoid a confession at all costs. Full disclosure, I do not bedshare as a rule, but I do absolutely co-fall asleep while middle-of-the-night wake up feeding. And I can tell you’re there is no better feeling in the world. Also, the possibility of a good night’s sleep is not to be f*cked with.
In Beyoncé’s name we pray: Amen.
*My co-sleeping is admittedly not what probably first comes to your mind: a baby sleeping in between its parents every single night from bedtime until morning. I just keep her with me from when she wakes up to feed, until we get up for the day. And I sometimes nap with her. But I feel it still qualifies since it usually starts anytime between 1 and 6 am, depending on how successful (or not) our routine was that night.
**This philosophy is also helpful when your husband asks whether or not you sterilize all of the bottles / breast pump attachments / anything after each use.
antimommy 